A couple week ago at our church the pastor was making a side point to his sermon.  He stated that when he does couples counseling he’s often ran into the situation where one of the couples had committed adultry - and it’s the one who cheated who is having the hardest time moving on.  The one who was wronged has forgiven, and wants to move past it, but the one who wronged just couldn’t forgive themselves, or allow themselves to be forgiven.

This past week my wife lost a family member.  This family member was someone whom she was very close with as a child, but due to a family quarrel was separated and lost touch.  This past year some cousins arranged a family reunion where my wife reconnected with her aunt.  My wife had wondered if the rift in the family had even hurt their relationship, if her aunt even missed her or thought about it.  The tearful reunion revealed that indeed, both had missed, and longed to be back in touch with the other.  They began to talk on Facebook, e-mail each other, and make plans to visit, to reconnect.

This past Sunday she passed away unexpectedly.

Of course there is grief over the lost family member.  Of course there is the sadness that comes with the realization that life could end at any moment, and that eventually we WILL die.  More than that, it seems, my wife is fighting through the fact that the reconciliation was short lived.  An extension of the family was within reach, just getting started, and then cut short - but this time a family reunion (on earth at least) can’t set things in motion again.  It sucks, and it hurts.  And it seems VERY unfair.

My first marriage ended in adultry.  My then-wife made a series of choices that culminated in her having a relationship outside of our marriage.  The echo of my pastors words have been ringing with me over the past couple of weeks, and I had to take steps that I didn’t want to take, that I didn’t know if was appropriate to take, but I felt like God wanted me to take.  I asked my ex, who was calling about kiddo related stuff, if she ever thought about, regretted, or was haunted by what happened in our marriage, how it ended.  Immediately she told me that she thought about it almost daily, and that even 7 years later it was one of the greatest regrets of her life.

I told her that she didn’t need to carry it on my account.  I told her that it was between her and God - that I had forgiven her, that my current marriage wasn’t damaged by lingering pain (I trust my wife with all of my soul), and that I NEVER thought about it.  Of course my relationship with my ex is very different now - and not in just the obvious ways - I don’t trust her words, I don’t trust her intentions - there are consequences to the choices that were made - but I don’t hate her, I don’t feel anger towards her.  It’s over.  I rarely, if ever, think about it.

Honestly - I am not still hurt by those choices (though to be clear, I certainly REMEMBER them).  I want her to be able to reach out to God, and receive the forgiveness that He wants for her - that freedom that only comes from Christ - and if any part of her was unwilling to reach for that because of me, I wanted to make sure she could let it go.  Isn’t that more important?

Family members have a tendency to hurt each other.  Badly.  Especially blood relatives.  Why is it easier for me to tell my ex wife that we can both move on from her affair than it is for sisters to reconcile and a family be united?  Is it the thickness of blood that binds so tightly, and separates so completely?  I don’t know the answer, and I am not going to pretend that I understand in any way the issues that can destroy a family (though my family also has “those” issues - I also have relatives that refuse to talk).

I think - through all these therapeutic words, all I’m trying to say is that someday it’s over.  There is no chance for reconciliation - we’ve missed our chance.

The weight of a past wrong destroys relationships and communities, destroys the way we view ourselves and our family tree, and worse of all, convinces us that we can’t reconcile with the God who created everything and loves us.  Keeps a niece from having the extended family she longs for.  Puts years between two sisters hugs.  Tells us that Christ’s blood wasn’t enough - or wasn’t for EVERYONE.

If the God who created everything and loves us sees the value of reconciliation so strongly that He sent his only Son to die for our sins - for the sole purpose of reconciliation, we can pick up a phone, we can drop a grudge, we can realize that we are designed for community, for family, and that we aren’t promised tomorrow.  Sometimes, we can choose to be ok with being wronged.

Get over it.  Some things are more important than you are.  Family, forgiveness, and God’s love and justice.  Love.

-awd

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This is scary, and very sad.  These are our children, our daughters, wives, mothers.  Sex sells because people buy.  Little girls are sold into this hell.  Can you even imagine?  It won’t stop until men stop buying.

-n

Via: Online Schools

several weeks ago i was struck with an idea of going into business for myself as an owner’s representative - basically, that means doing the same thing i have been doing, except for anyone who would hire me, instead of just the developer that i currently work for.

the 30-second spiel of what i do for money in this world:  if you want to build or remodel anything commercial or custom and either you don’t know the construction industry, are too busy, out of state, or just want someone looking out for you, then you hire me.  i help hire the right designer, manage the design process, the permit process, hiring the right general contractor, and then make sure that everyone does their job.  it’s actually a pretty fun, and usually rewarding job.

i remember giving a ride to my friend krys and explaining my idea to him, and saying “right now seems to be the time to do it, but i wouldn’t leave the security of my job to do it.”  see, there are a lot of people out there who have lost their jobs and are now pursuing their passion or business.. and most of them know what they do - and squat about the machine that is the construction industry.

at the same time my wife and i had been having discussions about feeling like God wanted more out of us - our time, our money, actually - our everything.

most of you know the next twist on this story - i was informed just before our trip to san diego that august 21st would be my last day with the developer i worked for…  ugh…

i took the news fairly well actually - when everyone in the industry starts to fret for their jobs then you run through the scenario a few million times in your head, so i’d already navigated the panic and what-if’s.  i just thanked my boss for being such a great boss (he really was), called and dropped the bomb on my wife (btw’s - should have done that after i got home), and then started to ponder what i needed to wrap up on my job for a clean transition, and what was next for me.

i called the recruiters (headhunters) that i knew, and started to piece together my resume.  i had the nudge about the business i wanted to start, but that’s not really very practical is it - after all - nobody’s building, and that means nobody needs to hire someone for high level project management.  everyone i talked to it was the same story - “great resume, but we just aren’t hiring.  actually, we may be losing a few people.”

through lot’s of prayer and some panic, my wife and i finally looked at each other and acknowledged that we’d been talking about giving more, serving more, and being more available for His promptings.  the business idea seemed nuts (still does sometimes) but we both had peace when thinking of it, and were unsettled messes when we thought about anything else.

so, a quick LLC filing later, and Davis Consulting Services, LLC was born.  landed my first (small) client on the monday after my last day, and have been ferociously working on our information/marketing packet with every moment.  i trust that God will bring income, and when He does, then we’ll be giving as we’ve decided in our hearts to give.  we had the fortune of being invited to talk to the young adults/college aged pastor at our church, Rock Point, and have been invited to share our vision for a group like that.  hello involvement, and with my recent unemployment, hello time to be involved.  at this meeting my wife learned that this group was responsible for a particular over-seas mission trip that only the sunday before she had said “i just need to decide that i’m going to do this, whether we have money or not, because i just know that’s what God wants me to do.”

in just a couple of weeks, and what feels like one swoop God has completely changed the direction of our lives.  i am starting my own business, we have a renewed understanding of what it means to treat all of your finances as a gift direct from God, we have new time to serve, and a venue to serve in, and my wife’s offering of a mission trip was breathed very real life into.

in all of this, it really is about trust.  i have no way of knowing if DCS will be successful or not - it may fail miserably and we may run out of money, a very real possibility.  we could lose our house, and have to move in with one of our parents, in the process having to leave my 6 year old behind, which would crush my heart - but what we know is that for whatever reason this is a path chosen for us by Him, and we are going to take that next step for Him, wherever the path goes.

it’s scary, and it’s hard to trust outside of yourself.  but i believe that God is the creator of day and night, and is far more than our brains can imagine - He’s not an old guy in a chair in space, He’s with us and in us every hour of every day.  He knows His plans for us, to help us and not harm us.  He beat hell, and He loves me more than i understand love. He IS.  so we are trying every moment of every day to let go and surrender everything we are to Him.  it’s not easy, but it’s the only way.

i am scared, and some days are very hard, but for the first time in my life, i think i actually believe the things that i say that i believe.

peace and love

-awd

it’s been nearly a week.  the soreness in my body has subsided, and the ringing in my ears has backed off (mostly) since this past saturday when n1 exploded into Genesis Christian Church for the ministry’s first event.

it was hard to contemplate, or to even consider, God’s movement that night - even through most of the day after.  there was, and had to be, such an intent focus on the plan, flow, set-up, and technical aspect of the night that we weren’t able to fully appreciate what we were part of at the time.

as the time passes and i look back on saturday evening, and the offering as a whole is examined i am starting to see God’s hands.  of course it wasn’t perfect - but it was led - for months it has been led, and we were obedient.

what fills my mind now is praise for His presence, and a general wondering of what God decided to do with the evening.  of course there were those with the obligatory deer-in-the-headlight glazed eyes, but there were those few who connected immediately with what God had given us to lay before Him.  there were the kids who felt moved to kneel and pray in front of the stage in the midst of the music.  and there were those who stopped on their way out to shake my hand with both hands just to say “thank-you.”  one guy in particular, who i have never met, obviously had just had an encounter with Him.  his eyes were wet, his handshake was firm, and his words sincere.  “thank you - thank you SO much.”

i have no idea, nor will i likely ever know, what was up with him, or what he had just experienced.  what i do know is this:  we did exactly what God asked us to do.  we were loud, we were passionate, and we left it all on the table.  the flow was difficult but important and planned.  the transition (thank you so much Krys and Melissa) was beyond inspired, and the night resolved into such a wonderful offering for Him.  and it could never have happened without God’s presence, guidance, and those that were involved.

so what’s next?  i have no idea.  i am waiting on God’s next call to action for the ministry.  for me personally - i have a project to work on, and lots of prayer to lose myself in.  He’ll speak soon enough and “the second nothing ministries event” will be off and running.

hope you were able to make it.  if not - we’ll see you next time.

awd

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today is March 28th.  we had our sound check last night for n1.

oh yes.

oh Dear God, yes.

see you at 7:00pm.

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